“Simply notice what the mind does with curiosity and humour” – Gary Hennessey
I know that when I am stressed and overwhelmed, I fall back into old habits. One of my unhelpful habits is that of being judgemental of myself and, as a consequence, I lose my curiosity and humour.
Stress often builds up very gradually for me and it is essential for my well-being that I recognise and acknowledge this. I have learnt that the cure to this is to be kind and compassionate towards myself. When I am curious and playful – both aspects of mindfulness – it helps me to also become resilient and resourceful.
In essence, the mind believes it has our best interest at heart but it is often distracted and pulled away from its natural path of wisdom and wholeness.
I have turned around many things in my life and I have achieved this through being aware of the build-up of stress piggybacking on itself. When I felt stress lurking under my skin and within my being, I turned to transpersonal psychotherapy and mindfulness, UL20 and became more curious and playful. I now recognise how stuck I was in a pattern of suffering and pain.
Curiosity is within us all from birth and is a quality that is easily lost due to conditions of upbringing. It helps us to rediscover the goodness and beauty that is within us all. It helps me reconnect to qualities of love, kindness and compassion which I believe are linked to curiosity and humour and are essentially rooted in the soul. In essence, the mind believes it has our best interest at heart but it is often distracted and pulled away from its natural path of wisdom and wholeness.
Taking ownership over the equation of stress is a choice that we can all make. Mindfulness is the enzyme of hope that makes this possible and every journey needs a first step.
“As we take the one seat and develop a meditative attention, the heart presents itself naturally for healing. The grief we have carried for so long, from pains and dashed expectations and hopes, arises.” – Jack Kornfield
Meditation has helped awaken me to my body and in particular my sitting bones and discover the meaning of taking my seat. It means that I give myself permission to stop and turn inwards and encounter my heart and body and their capacity for healing. Grief is complex and I am aware that when I encounter loss other losses reveal themselves for healing. What I didn’t realise was the suddenness of the pain that I would face when I reached the perimenopause. I felt disbelief and a sense of loneliness that I had not previously encountered. It felt like I really was now on my own and this was the beginning of the end.
I notice that to be able and willing to take my seat and meditate gives me the strength and courage to face grief with an open heart that helps me to trust that I will be able to find my way through this loss.
Meditation has shown me that I can be with this well of grief and all of the other losses that I have experienced in my life and trust my heart to reveal these to me when I am able to bear them. I can hold them in loving awareness and be with them and as I do this I notice that the love that I felt for the people who have died and the dreams and hopes that I had – and have passed – will be replaced by others that are different.
I notice that to be able and willing to take my seat and meditate gives me the strength and courage to face grief with an open heart that helps me to trust that I will be able to find my way through this loss. We all have access to our seat and to the benefits of meditation, it feels like a secret that has been shared with me and I hope that I can share it little by little by taking my seat and connecting with the joys as well as the losses that are revealed to me.
I had a fall this week that literally brought me to my hands and knees and they stung from the pain. I tried to ask myself why this happened, but know only too well from past experience that this leads me down many unhelpful paths of thoughts. Instead, I talked about the pain and how I felt to be with it, rather than to ignore it and pretend that nothing had happened. I needed to acknowledge what had just happened and by doing this I realised that just before I fell, my attention was momentarily drawn somewhere else and I was distracted.
By paying attention to the smallest detail, rather than ask myself why, I realise I have gained more information about the importance of a shared experience to help comfort and heal my internal and external pain.
As I walked and talked more, I began to regain my balance and through the awareness of my breath and connection to the ground, I felt myself calm down and I began to notice the smell of the lime trees and the newly mown grass. I felt soothed by this and my primary experience of shock and pain began to release from my body. It has taken most of the weekend to feel completely back in my body and grounded and the time that I have taken to rest and listen to it has brought me to a deeper place of understanding and what it means to care for myself. Thankfully, the grazes are not deep and I have realised the significance of kindness and self-compassion as a means of bathing a wound, however superficial. By paying attention to the smallest detail, rather than ask myself why, I realise I have gained more information about the importance of a shared experience to help comfort and heal my internal and external pain.
As I write, I am in awe of the depths and light that can be shed on any experience by being with it. It seems so simple I can hardly believe it is true!
“We are literally touched by the world through all our senses.” – Jon Kabat-Zinn
“For we cannot touch something without being touched by it in the very same instant. We cannot be touched without touching. Walking barefoot, our feet kiss the earth with every step, and the earth kisses right back and we feel it.” – Jon Kabat-Zinn
I became aware of what it means to be physically touched through my experience of being a massage therapist. A combination of massage, lymphatic drainage, transpersonal psychotherapy, mindfulness and mindful movement, have taught me that with body awareness I could experience more fully the healing power of touch.
I was initially drawn to massage at a time of transition in my life, when I felt particularly low and disillusioned. I believed that if I found a more meaningful way to earn a living this might help me engage and connect with my life.
A combination of massage, lymphatic drainage, transpersonal psychotherapy, mindfulness and mindful movement, have taught me that with body awareness I could experience more fully the healing power of touch.
In hindsight, I realise I was both physically and emotionally disconnected from my body and that it was touch that allowed me to reconnect with myself and others. Touch allows me to feel my feet kissing the earth as I walk and reminds me of all of the beautiful, courageous people whom I have touched and who have lifted my heart. I remember their skin and what it felt like to have the privilege to massage them and share time with them.
As I have written about previously and as you will see from my photographs, it is also through my connection with nature that I am transformed. I notice that I feel at peace and at one with the world when I allow myself to feel the wind on my face and the air around me, or the sun as it warms my skin and filters through to my bones. This touch of nature helps me to reconnect to my soul which reminds me to breathe and take in all that surrounds me at that moment in time.
“… and soon so many small stones, buried for thousands of years, will feel themselves being touched”. – Mary Oliver
